11 Hilarious Masturbation Jokes That Are Just Filthy

Image Source: Flickr.com | Richard FosterWe all need a little laughter over the holidays—not to mention some good self-love. Because let’s face it, humor and jerking off are the best tools for a stress-free holiday season. Here are 11 masturbation jokes to make your holiday a little brighter.

  1. The worst part of jerking off is closing the other six tabs of porn I didn’t even get to and realizing this is as ambitious as I get.” It’s funny cause it’s true…
  2. The first person that masturbated must have been like YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” Yup!
  3. Do you ever get so bored that you’re like I guess I’ll masturbate.” Mmm hmm.
  4. “’911, what’s your emergency
    ‘I’m masturbating too much’
    ‘Sir that’s not really a problem’
    ‘One sec. DID YOU HEAR THAT MOM? NOW GET OFF MY CASE’” Yeah, mom!
  5. It’s so awkward when you shout out someone else’s hand during masturbation.” Whoops!
  6. Welcome to masturbation anonymous. I see everybody came today. That’s disappointing.” A good head count!
  7. According to my Nike Fuel Band, I just masturbated for 4 miles.” Life goals!
  8. *not horny but masturbates just in case I was*” Always a good idea to come prepared.
  9. Is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing? No, it’s called highjacking. Guys no it’s weedwhacking. No it’s called disappointing ur mother.” Sorry, ma!
  10. First time masturbating: whoa that was great. Last time masturbating: whoa that was great.” Pretty much!
  11. I feel like porn has given me such unrealistic expectations for sex. For example, having it with another person.” Let NiteFlirt lend a helping hand!

Fappy holidays, everybody! Let’s get filthy on NiteFlirt!

Check out more hilarious masturbation jokes: https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/so-much-masturbation

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