11 Hilarious Tweets About Condoms 

condomsThe funny folks on Twitter have some astute observations to offer about condoms in 140 characters or less. Some of these tweets will having you nodding sympathetically while others will have you slapping your thigh with laughter. Here are the 11 funniest tweets about condoms to help you “wrap up” your day with a good laugh.

  1. “Dear, why are there broken condoms on our couch?”
    “Bob… Would you please call our children by their names.”

    Ouch!
  2. Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.”
    Warning: condoms do not protect against getting hit by a bus.
  3. I always try to put some condom wrappers in my garbage so the raccoons that go through my trash think I’m cool.”
    But honestly, raccoons are the coolest.
  4. Fun fact: Taking a box of condoms to the pharmacist’s window and asking for the fitting room will get you thrown out of Target.”
    But at least you’ll get a good story!
  5. I’d like to buy this EXTRA SMALL condom please.”
    “Sir, that is a sleeping bag”
    *winks at cashier continually until she finishes her shift*

    Creepy!
  6. DATE: This place is so fancy
    ME: Ever have a guy splurge on you before?
    DATE: Well, only when we didn’t have a condom

    *wipes tear from eye.*
  7. Seems like Hello Kitty should be a brand of condoms.”
    Or a sex toy!
  8. I bet homophobic guys get reincarnated into condoms.”
    Karma…
  9. [handing out condoms to trick or treaters] give these to your parents, I don’t want more of you coming back next year.”
    [Trick or treaters generously hand out eggs in response].
  10. I’m so committed to pizza that I’ve stopped wearing a condom when I eat it.”
    Now that is a serious pizza lover!
  11. Gonna start feeding my dog condoms, so when she poops they’re already in tiny little bags!”
    Brilliant!

Looking to add a little levity to your day? Come have some raunchy fun with us!

Check out more hilarious condom tweets here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/benhenry/sir-thats-a-sleeping-bag

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