9 Hilarious Tweets About Masturbating

Image Source: Flickr.com | User:  rccola159When it comes to cracking jokes about jerking off, you just have to give a hand (see what we did there?) to these witty people writing hilarious tweets about masturbating. As one Twitter user says, masturbation is really just a “VERY poorly attended orgy.” Here are 9 hilarious tweets about masturbating.

  1. Good term for masturbation I just thought of – Jackin’ the peen stalk”
    Gotta climb to the top of the peen stalk and wrestle the one-eyed ogre to get that golden goose!
  2. My caught masturbating face is exactly the same as my caught jamming out to NSYNC face because they’re simultaneous.”
    We don’t know, the latter might be more embarrassing…
  3. Who called it “Masturbation tips for women” rather than ‘Dildos and Dildon’ts’.”
    It’s funny cause it’s true!
  4. If there’s a sock on my doorknob it means I’m having sex with the other one.”
    Make sure you knock before entering!
  5. If these walls could talk I’d almost certainly masturbate less.”
    Good thing they can’t—no reason to stop jerkin’ it!
  6. Do guys have a go to masturbation sock like I do with shoesHAHAHA I’M KIDDING! I would never! I’m a lady.

    It’s an adorable strappy sandal.”
    Talk about a foot fetish!
  7. The first rule of masturbation club is to come alone.#NationalMasturbationDay”
    The second rule of masturbation club: You do not talk about masturbation club—unless you’re cracking jokes about it on Twitter!
  8. Is ‘toot my own horn’ a euphemism for masturbating yet?”
    It is now!
  9. My friends gave me a bunch of sex toys for my birthday as a ‘joke.’ I can’t stop laughing*

    *masturbating”
    The gift that keeps on giving, er, receiving?

Looking to find some good lovin’ without the aid of a sock? We don’t mean to toot our own horn, but a NiteFlirt party is SO much better than a party of one!

Check out more hilarious tweets about masturbating here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/tweets-about-masturbating-that-are-just-really-really-fun#.iaDVgWbqox

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