NEWS: Porn Stars Explain Net Neutrality

Net neutrality can be a bit confusing, so Funny or Die recruited three porn stars to break down the issue in a funny, sexy way. Basically, it comes down to one very important point: without net neutrality internet providers can slow down your internet unless you pay more, which means slower porn. It’s true—if it was up to ISP giants like Comcast, the porn you’re streaming could get throttled unless you pay for faster speeds. They could even force porn websites to shell out big bucks to make their packets fast enough to make streaming porn possible.

One porn star quips, “You never hear anyone moaning, ‘Slower! Slower!’ when they’re fucking. Another explains that President Obama stands “hard and firm on the issue” (in her sexiest bedroom voice), because “poor people should be able to watch porn just as fast as rich people.” But, the ladies explain, Senator Ted Cruz (“who is not sexy”) is taking money from Comcast and wants to end net neutrality because “he doesn’t want me to get naked for you!” It pretty much comes down to this: “the internet is a giant sex party where anyone gets to have sex with anyone they want. Without net neutrality, that sex party is only for rich people.”

We know a faster way than streaming to have an internet sex party! Everyone who’s not Ted Cruz is invited!

 

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2 Responses to NEWS: Porn Stars Explain Net Neutrality

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