NEWS: Bob’s Burgers Porn Parody: Bob’s Boners

WoodRocket, the adult entertainment company behind such porn parodies as Doctor Whore, SpongeKnob SquareNuts, and the Simpsons XXX, have now added a Bob’s Burgers porn parody to their collection: Bob’s Boners. The storyline is actually pretty believable for the show, and the characters, Sexxxy Bob and Sexxxy Linda, do very good impressions. (Warning: you’ll never be able to watch the show again without picturing Bob’s cum-face).

“Adult Exotic Con Biz Show” is coming to town and Sexxxy Bob and Linda are trying to come up with a punny, naughty burger-of-the-day (they land on “Sheep Throat”—a burger that is 100% lamb). Then Sexxxy Bob and Linda stumble upon Tina’s erotic fan fiction, which involves some kinky sex with Jimmy Jr. and a zombie (that is so Tina!). So Bob and Linda go at it, fucking on the retro countertops in a variety of hot positions with Linda yelling, “Fucking make me do stuff!” But the best is the extended blow-job scene: after Linda swallows Bob’s “special sauce” she says, “It’s a little salty, but it’s good!”

In the immortal words of Linda Belcher: All Riiiight! Hungry for our special of the day? We promise you’ll leave satisfied!

Check out the trailer here:

 

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NEWS: Happy Couple Has Sex Doll Threesomes

Dave Hockey and Shawna Bigelow have found a seemingly perfect way to indulge their kinks without all the messy emotional entanglements that often follow: have threesomes with dolls! In fact, before Dave met Shawna, he thought he’d never find a woman who was accepting of his sex doll fetish. But Shawna quickly got into it, at first wearing the doll’s wigs during fucking and later inviting her man’s “lady friends” to join them in the bedroom. Now the couple enjoys regular threesomes with one of Dave’s four life-sized dolls. Here’s what they both say about their kinky arrangement:

Shawna says she likes it because “it is kind of like a threesome without anyone getting hurt.” Though she admits to sometimes getting jealous of the dolls’ “perfect bodies.” Dave likes it because “having a threesome with a doll is safer; there is no emotional entanglement.” Shawna now has her very own sex doll, Terry, who has three custom-made cocks that she can switch up depending on her mood. The couple are speaking publicly about their fondness for sex dolls to dispel stereotypes that only creepy, lonely dudes like them—women like to fuck them too!

While this seems like a cool idea for couples who want to experiment with a ménage à trois but don’t want any of the jealousy, we should add that Dave and Shawna have spent a whopping $30,000 on their sexy bedmates. We here at Niteflirt are a much more reasonable alternative for indulging your naughty kinks!

 

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NEWS: The Bigger The Belly, The Better The Lover

Science has finally explained why sexy ladies adore the strange allure of a big-bellied lover. Think of all the gorgeous women Tony Soprano fucked, not to mention the legions of hot porn stars who’ve gotten x-rated with Ron Jeremy. Now a new study proves what we’ve always known all along: a big belly on a man makes for a better lover, at least when it comes to sexual stamina. 525497_337943076323590_1976492139_n

A year long study at Erciyes University in Turkey looked at the correlation between body mass index (BMI) and male sexual performance. They found that men with big bellies lasted an incredible five minutes (!) longer in bed than thinner men. Researchers determined that men with a higher BMI (i.e., men with big bellies) lasted an average of 7.3 minutes during sex, while slimmer men only lasted about 2 minutes. They also found that thin men were more likely to prematurely ejaculate—wah wah wah. The reason for the drastically higher sexual endurance has to do with estradiol, a hormone associated with more belly fat that helps to inhibit orgasm.

When it comes to good fucking, apparently fat is the new thin! Hankering for a prolonged fuck-fest? Fat or thin, we’re always in the mood!

 

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NEWS: 15 minutes is all it Takes for Better Sex

best_phone_sex_niteflirt_sexhoursYou may have put a lot of effort into the romantic gestures that lead up to getting laid: flowers, a nice dinner, dim lighting and sexy music. And if you’re in a long term relationship, you’ve probably put a lot of effort into spicing up the actual sex, with trips to the adult store, role play, etc. But what if we told you that all it takes for better, more satisfying sex is 15 mins. of your time immediately after the fucking? Science shows that if you want to leave a lasting impression, the cool down period after sex may be the most important factor. That’s right, we’re talking about cuddling.

According to a few new studies in the Archives of Sexual Behavior journal, the “duration of post sex affection was associated with higher sexual satisfaction and, in turn, higher relationship satisfaction.” So, as it turns out, the post-fucking period is the most critical time for promoting satisfaction and intimacy with your partner. The studies show that couples who spent just a little time luxuriating in each other after love-making were happier, more satisfied with their relationship and with the sex, and more likely to want to go at again more often.

Big spoon or little spoon, take your pick! We are all about satisfying fucking—want to cuddle up with us? We are always down!

 

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NEWS: Swinging For Christ

A pair of devout Christians have found a rather unorthodox way of spreading God’s word—through swapping sex partners and Bible verses! The couple, Cristy and Dean Parave, explain that swinging started as a lifestyle, but became a way for them to marry their two passions: religion and fucking other couples. They strongly believe that this is “God’s plan,” and that swinging is the best way of converting (or seducing?) others swingers to Christianity. Holy promiscuity!

“The Bible says ‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.’ But what if your neighbor wants you to?” asks a fellow swinger and believer. The couple feels that the Bible doesn’t say anything about swinging, and as a married couple, if you both agree to it, then it’s okay. And if it’s not? “I guess we’ll find that out on Judgement Day,” Cristy says. But for now, they believe that through swinging and spreading the gospel, they we can do good instead of just have fun. “I’m getting to people who would probably never even visit a church,” Dean explains. They plan to keep going until God tells them to stop. But until that day comes, they’re going to keep “helping” as many people as they can—through making them cum!

Sinners getting to sinners through swinging. Amen to that! In the mood for some wild action? We know we can make you cry out to the good lord!

 

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NEWS: Hot Buns: Denmark Restaurant Combines Food and Sex

Remember the days of getting a toy inside your happy meal? Well, a Denmark restaurant just upped the ante with their special: burger, fries, and a sex toy! Hot Buns, a Danish Gastropub famous for their juicy burgers (or is it for their waitresses?), is the first ever restaurant to combine food and sex. Here’s the deets:best_phone_sex_niteflirt_girls_eating

Hot Buns After Dark is a burger, fry, and sex shop joint! Seriously. You can chow down on gastropub fare while also shopping for dildos, vibrators, cock rings (don’t confuse that with your onion rings—could get dangerous!), and whips. The owner explains, “On Friday and Saturday nights, there are only two things most people want: sex and food. We’re combining them both.” For a restaurant that boasts “Boobs of the Day” on their instagram page (basically, guess which hot server these tits belong to), a burger/sex shop does seem the logical next step. Hooters, take note!

This is either the best or worst idea ever; jury’s still out. In the meantime, if you’re hungry for some of our hot buns, we’ve got the juiciest, most mouthwatering ones you’ll ever sink your teeth into! Give ours a try!

 

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NEWS: What Sex Looks Like Inside an MRI Machine

We have mirrors, cameras, and porn to see what fucking looks like. But have you ever wanted to see what fucking looks like from inside your body? Well, a bold Chinese couple did, so they decided to try fucking inside an MRI machine—all in the name of science, of course! Here’s what it looks like:

When the couple in the x-ray share a passionate kiss, you can see their tongues licking and their hearts pounding in excitement. And when they start to fuck? You can actually see—from the inside—the guy’s cock moving deeply inside his lady’s pussy. And though it’s unfamiliar to see just a woman’s pubic bone being penetrated by just the silhouette of an excited, hard cock, the image is strangely erotic! You can see the woman’s hips moving up and into her man’s cock for even deeper penetration, and you can tell the man is really enjoying it through his clearly excited thrusting. Science is amazing!

We can’t think of many things freakier than getting it on inside an MRI machine, but we’re always open to suggestions! Feel like exploring the miracle that is the human body? We promise you’ll love ours!

 

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NEWS: Leonardo da Vinci’s X-Rated Doodle

A pornographic doodle was recently discovered in one of Leonardo da Vinci’s many notebooks. The famous painter’s lesser known sketch is of two cocks with legs and tails walking toward what appears to be a crudely drawn ass-hole! Historians believe the drawing was most likely done by Leonardo’s mischievous apprentice and lover, Salai. In fact, the anus is literally titled “Salai.” Cheeky! best_phone_sex_niteflirt_leonardo_da_vinciDa Vinci’s passion for the beautiful Salai is well-documented. Salai had golden, curly hair he wore in ringlets, which were said to delight his famous master. Art historians believe his Greek-like face, sexy pout, and curly hair appear repeatedly in Leonardo’s drawings. Leonardo having a young, hot gay lover was not that unusual for the time—in the fifteenth century, Florentines were so well known for homosexuality that the German word for sodomite was Florenzer. Young, horny gay men’s insatiable sexual appetites caused such a scandal in Florentine that two more public brothels were opened in order to tempt them to “less evil” vices. Da Vinci was almost certainly gay, and his intimate, passionate relationship with Salai as well as the x-rated doodle is further proof of this fact.

Here at Niteflirt, we love sexy gay men (and women!). Whatever tickles your fancy, so to speak. To honor the famous painter, come be mischievous and playful with us!

 

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NEWS: Museum of Sex’s Big Boob Bounce Castle

Ever fantasized about jumping up and down in a bounce castle made entirely of giant, luscious tits? Well, now you can do it! Londoners Bompas and Parr created a boob bounce castle for The Museum of Sex (MoSex) in NYC, and it’ll be open to joyous jumpers until 2015 (check out the amazing video below)!

It’s actually part of a larger interactive exhibit called “Funland: The Erotic Playground.” In one exhibit, museum visitors can “scale a wall of orifices and appendages in ‘Grope Mountain.’” There’s also “The Tunnel of Love,” in which adventurous patrons can embark on a climatic journey down a trippy maze that leads to the coveted “G” spot Very exciting–literally!

Who wouldn’t want to journey to the center of a mind-blowing orgasm, or feel their way up a mountain of hot tits and ass? But in case you can’t make it to the exhibit, we have plenty of bodacious, bouncy tits right here!

 

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NiteFlirt Halloween Twitter Contest

best_phone_sex_niteflirt_sexy_witchWe want to have a little fun this Halloween and we want to see everyone in their sexy costumes. So, we decided to have a little contest to help make sure we see all your great pics – and you can win a little NiteFlirt cash while you’re at it.

Tweet a photo of you in your sexy Halloween costumes to us! Be sure to use the hashtag #NFHalloween and include your member name and @niteflirt to enter to win! If you’re a flirt, don’t forget to include a link back to your Goodies page where people can buy more pictures of you in (or out of) your costume.

Tip: If your url is too long you can shorten your links. Bit.ly, ow.ly, and tiny url are great services to do this.

Every tweet and every retweet will count as an entry into the contest.
We’ll collect all the entries and randomly select a winner! The winner will have $100 credited to their NiteFlirt account (so make sure we know what your NiteFlirt member name is!)

$100!

We will be accepting submission until midnight Oct. 31 and will announce a winner on Nov. 3.

 

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@NiteFlirt

 

Disclaimer:
All NiteFlirt members are eligible for the Halloween Twitter Contest. Each tweet and retweet with the hashtag #NFHalloween is considered an entry for the member mentioned in the tweet, tweet must also include a photo. The winner will be drawn at random from the entries. Prize money will be credited to your NiteFlirt account within 14 days of the promotion. Active NiteFlirt Flirts can be paid out the NiteFlirt cash with their earnings, all other members can use the prize money on NiteFlirt. NiteFlirt considers any Flirt who has earned money on NiteFlirt in the last 30 days as active. Winners will be announced via the @NiteFlirt twitter account on Nov. 3rd, 2014.
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