The Goopiest Sex Advice From Goop’s First Sex Issue

LetsTalkSexWhat exactly is Goop sex? None other than Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle advice column for rich health-freaks—but for sex. And as you can probably guess, the sex advice is about as ridiculous and impractical as you’d expect. Here are some of the Goopiest highlights from Goop’s first-ever sex issue.

  1. Become an erotic theater member—for $50,000
    In Los Angeles, you can join an exclusive erotic theater called Snctm for a cool $10,000-$50,000! The theater requires male guests to be a member, be a part of a couple, or reserve dinner. Women can buy tickets and are the only people allowed to touch or initiate contact with another guest.
  2. Only use edible lube
    According to Goop, most lube has parabens, which are “endocrine disruptors.” Therefore, it is only 100% safe to use edible lube. Yeah…
  3. Apply Vitamin E oil or olive oil to your labia to “help moisturize and strengthen the vaginal tissue.”
    Uh huh…. Maybe don’t do that unless you want to sting or infect your pussy?
  4. Condoms have dairy in them
    Vegans, take note!
  5. Ideally, you want to find a vegan, paraben-free, glycerin-free, Nonoxynal-9-free, and benzocaine- and lidocaine-free condom.”
    Ok, can I get that at the drug store?
  6. Goop’s favorite sex toys include a $395 vibrating necklace, a $535 Agent Provocateur cat whip, and a $15,000 gold dildo.
    First class all the way with Goop sex toys! Now where’s that diamond studded cock ring?
  7. “Kegels are important at all stages of life.”
    Now that’s good advice, Goop!

Looking to enhance your sex life? You don’t need vegan condoms and a $15,000 dildo to have first-class fun!

Check out more about Goop’s first-ever sex issue here: http://jezebel.com/the-goopiest-advice-from-goops-first-ever-sex-issue-1775614748

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