We all need a little laughter over the holidays—not to mention some good self-love. Because let’s face it, humor and jerking off are the best tools for a stress-free holiday season. Here are 11 masturbation jokes to make your holiday a little brighter.
- “The worst part of jerking off is closing the other six tabs of porn I didn’t even get to and realizing this is as ambitious as I get.” It’s funny cause it’s true…
- “The first person that masturbated must have been like YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” Yup!
- “Do you ever get so bored that you’re like I guess I’ll masturbate.” Mmm hmm.
- “’911, what’s your emergency‘
‘I’m masturbating too much’
‘Sir that’s not really a problem’
‘One sec. DID YOU HEAR THAT MOM? NOW GET OFF MY CASE’” Yeah, mom! - “It’s so awkward when you shout out someone else’s hand during masturbation.” Whoops!
- “Welcome to masturbation anonymous. I see everybody came today. That’s disappointing.” A good head count!
- “According to my Nike Fuel Band, I just masturbated for 4 miles.” Life goals!
- “*not horny but masturbates just in case I was*” Always a good idea to come prepared.
- “Is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing? No, it’s called highjacking. Guys no it’s weedwhacking. No it’s called disappointing ur mother.” Sorry, ma!
- “First time masturbating: whoa that was great. Last time masturbating: whoa that was great.” Pretty much!
- “I feel like porn has given me such unrealistic expectations for sex. For example, having it with another person.” Let NiteFlirt lend a helping hand!
Fappy holidays, everybody! Let’s get filthy on NiteFlirt!
Check out more hilarious masturbation jokes: https://www.buzzfeed.com/
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