Have you ever considered what’s more difficult, monogamy or polyamory? Many people assume that because monogamy is the more socially acceptable form of romantic partnership, it must be easy, and more natural. But a polyamorist in Together magazine examines the many challenging and unnatural ways monogamy manifests itself in our society. Here are some of the highlights (read the entire piece below).
“Arguably, polyamory requires a lot more ‘work’ than monogamy. It’s logistically more challenging managing multiple relationships—there are only so many hours in a week,” says polyamorist Michael McDonald. “But if monogamy is so much simpler than polyamory, why does it feel like so much work?” McDonald argues that monogamy is not natural—as in, it’s not in a human’s nature to couple with just one person—so if a person chooses to be monogamous, then they are participating in “an advanced form of relating that requires us to transcend what comes naturally to us in relationship.”
McDonald goes on to describe how monogamous couples can be separated into two different camps: conscious monogamy and unconscious monogamy. Conscious monogamy is when a couple transcends their very nature to choose a long-term, co-created partnership. Unconscious monogamy is rooted in fear, relating to societal expectations and to anxieties about security, which he says is the more common, more insidious form of monogamy we often see today. McDonald believes, therefore, that we should “be encouraging polyamory as the norm, and monogamy as the advanced, only meant for the most experienced.”
Looking for something “natural” yourself? We encourage you to go with your instincts at NiteFlirt!
Check out more about a polyamorist’s view of monogamy here: https://together.guide/a-
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