8 Hilarious Tweets About Sex

deliveyrinrear-haymarketrebelTwitter nails it (pun intended!) on the raunchy tweets. The Twitterverse just seems to understand how well the platform works for sex jokes. Here are 8 of the most hilarious and naughty tweets about sex.

  1. “[during sex]
    Me: hurt me
    Him: your metabolism isn’t what it was in high school and it shows
    Me: wait
    Him: you never lived up to your potential because you rely on talent instead of work ethic & immediately abandon everything you’re bad at because you’re afraid of failure.”
    Ouch!
  2. “‘Okay now let’s do a silly one!’ – me after sex.”
    It’s funny cause it’s true…
  3. “pee after sex or you will get a tgi friday’s.”
    Or an HGTV!
  4. “british people be having sex like:
    mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving.”
    Cheerio!
  5. “i’m tryna have sex so rough that the earthquake is shook.”
    Sex goals right there.
  6. Shower sex is overrated fuck me in the microwave.”
    Inventive!
  7. “Sex is like pizza, if you’re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you’re doing.”
    Sage advice.
  8. “yeah sure love is love but I’m pretty sure douching ur ass for 2 hours to bottom for a top who you have to double text in order to get a one word response isn’t love, sweetie.”
    Words to live by.

Looking to have a good time? Let’s get naughty at NiteFlirt!

Check out more raunchy sex tweets: https://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanschocket2/just-22-hilarious-tweets-about-sex

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Sex Fetish Fans From Around The World Board The Annual ‘Torture Ship’ Cruise

16294446236_78a8197d8a_zHundreds of BDSM enthusiasts in full fetish gear piled onto an erotic cruise ship for a kinky annual festival in Germany. Around 500 revellers in full bondage, gimp masks, horse heads and fishnet vests boarded the “Torture Ship,” which has set sail for the past two decades as the world’s largest BDSM boat party. Organizers said the turnout was down slightly this year due to sweltering temperatures.

They added: “There’s a bit less [turnout] than usual, because of the heat. But it is even hotter in paint, leather and latex.” A crowd of spectators watched as the fetishists boarded the ship, which included two men in the latex-nun costumes who did not want to reveal their real names, but said they made the 1,500-mile trip because their kinkiness is more accepted in Germany. Explaining why the party was so popular, organizers said: “In a normal nightclub people are all astonished and some may fidget when they come in latex outfit. On the ship, the guests felt comfortable.”

Looking for something kinky? Come party with us at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about the annual ‘Torture Ship’: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7200901/Sex-fetish-fans-world-board-annual-Torture-Ship-cruise-Germany.html

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This Is The No. 1 Thing Women Want From A Lover

Image Source: Flickr.com | Richard FosterYou might think women want a sex god with a huge dick, but it turns out women want something simpler from a lover. Kindness is the top quality women overwhelmingly want to see, according to one of the most extensive surveys on what women look for in a long-term partner. Almost 90% of the nearly 40,600 women surveyed rank kindness highest among desirable qualities, followed by supportiveness, intelligence, and confidence.

“Attractiveness” did not not top the list, but gay and straight women agreed they appreciate a nice smile and eyes. Lesbian women completed their Top 5 with average breasts, an average butt and an attractive back, whereas straight women put average penis as No. 3, followed by large hands and, interestingly, a short head of hair. There you have it: what women really want from a lover.

What do you want from a lover? Come find what you’re looking for right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about what women want from a lover: https://nypost.com/2019/07/24/this-is-the-no-1-thing-64000-women-want-from-a-lover-survey/

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Searches For Alien Porn Are Skyrocketing On Pornhub

8579340785_3966b78661_kMore than 1.6 million people have signed up to attend the viral “Storm Area 51” Facebook event, but thousands have already started searching for the extraterrestrials—on Pornhub. Alien-related searches have spiked since news about the event started circulating, according to Pornhub’s statistics. In one week, searches for “Area 51” jumped from zero to 160,000.

Not that the genre wasn’t popular before it became this summer’s hottest memes: An average of 30,000 people a day were already looking for kinky alien videos. “Alien impregnation” beat out the other top searches—“alien sex” and “alien hentai.” Women visitors got off to alien porn more than 30% more than men, and young millennials and Generation Zers proved the horniest generation for E.T.

Looking for an out-of-this-world sexual experience? Let’s get kinky at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about alien porn searches skyrocketing on Pornhub: https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/alien-porn-area-51-pornhub/

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The Internet Is Sexualizing The New Pokemon Made Of Cream

Image Source: Daily Dot

There’s a new pokemon taking the internet by storm for its sweet, delicious, creaminess—among other things. Alcremie is the pokemon that produces whipped cream—and how good her cream tastes depends on her mood. Make her happy, and her cream tastes even better.

Obviously, the internet has a very dirty mind: “Nintendo: Alcremie elvoles into Cumslut with the use of a Load Stone! The more you please her, the sweeter the cream pies!” writes one Twitter user. Another user writes, “BOYS GET READY. ALCREMIE PORN IS COMING.” But one tweet pretty much perfectly sums it up: “ALCREMIE IS LITERALLY THE CUM POKEMON.”

Looking for something sweet, delicious and creamy? Come see how good NiteFlirt tastes!

Check out more about the new naughty pokemon that produces sweet cream: https://www.dailydot.com/parsec/alcremie-cream-pokemon-memes/

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Virginia Just Banned Deepfake Porn

Image Source: Flickr.com | User: purits

Image Source: Flickr.com | User: purits

Virginia’s 2014 law banning the distribution of revenge porn has been updated to include deepfakes, or videos in which software and machine learning can create synthetic media of any person. The law makes it a Class 1 misdemeanor to share videos or photos of someone without their consent, even if it is not actually them in the video. Photoshopped images or any other manipulated media are also covered by the law, and violators can face up to $2,500 and one year in jail.

The law is going into effect after the app DeepNude was pulled by its creator due to backlash. The app used machine learning to produce videos of women without clothing from videos of them fully clothed, and comes in the wake of porn being shared on Reddit featuring the faces of famous women and the bodies of porn stars. As Daily Dot reports, “Forty-six states currently have laws barring the distribution of revenge porn, but only a handful of states have set out to legislate deepfakes.”

Looking for some naughty adult fun? Come to NiteFlirt, there ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby!

Check out more about Virginia banning deepfake porn: https://www.dailydot.com/irl/virginia-deepfake-bill/

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Sex Toy App Tells Women How Many Calories They Burn While Masturbating

magicwandarthistoryA new Fitbit-style app linked to vibrators can tell women exactly how many calories they’ve burnt by masturbating. ZALO USA is the first sex toy manufacturer in the world to offer the feature, which they claim is based on an algorithm backed by a scientific study which suggests masturbating burns around three calories every minute. The research the app is based on found sex – from foreplay to climax – burns the equivalent of 3.6 calories every minute.

ZALO admits masturbation will not burn as many calories as sex, but after testing on 218 women, they found the women burned up to six calories every minute. The calorie-counting app monitors the duration, the setting of vibration women choose to use, and even how loud women are while masturbating. ZALO says the higher the vibrations, the higher a woman’s heart rate – which means she will burn more calories – and if a woman masturbates three times a week for 10 minutes, she could burn 90 calories.

Looking for a hot way to get fit? We can get your heart rate going right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about a masturbation app that tells you how many calories you’ve burned: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-7167607/The-app-tells-women-calories-burn-MASTURBATING.html

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Bachelorette Confesses She Had Sex Twice With A Contestant ‘In A Windmill’

cup-1010916_1920Hannah Brown is making no apologies for her active sex life while starring in “The Bachelorette.” In the latest episode, she kicks a contestant to the curb after he slut-shames her for having sex with other men on the show vying for her heart. “Let’s say you have had sex with one or multiple of these guys, I would completely remove myself from this relationship,” the man says on their date.

“I have had sex” she says as she holds his car door open, adding “From obviously how you feel, me fucking in a windmill, you probably wanna leave.” Brown then clarifies her remarks in a confessional interview, telling producers, “I fucked in a windmill. And guess what? We did it a second time.” Slut-shaming = deal breaker!

Want to have a sex-positive experience? We’re all about getting it on—multiple times—in exciting places here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about the bachelorette hooking up in a windmill, twice: pagesix.com/…/bachelorette-and-contestant-had-sex-twice-in-a-windmill

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Grandmother Mistook Silicon Sex Toys For Thermal Socks

wtf-1780728_640You can imagine a man’s surprise when his grandmother mistook his sex toys for a pair of socks. It seems granny put the man’s flesh-lights on her feet, thinking they were thermal socks. A hilarious video—that has obviously gone viral—shows the man attempting to remove the sex toys from his grandmother’s feet.

As one might imagine, the “socks” were difficult to remove. But after vigorously pulling at them (as we can only imagine he’s used to doing with these particular sex toys…) they eventually came off her feet. The man jokingly added on Twitter that the “socks” were “still warm.”

Looking for some adult fun? We can warm you up right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about a grandmother using flesh-lights as socks: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7234301/Man-reveals-grandmother-mistook-SEX-TOYS-thermal-SOCKS.html

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Viewing Porn From Parliament’s Computers Is Being Kept Secret

img_5939Parliament claims attempts to access porn from its computers are being kept secret to stop MPs falling victim to hackers. For years Parliament has routinely disclosed information on websites viewed from its network – revealing that up to 200,000 bids to surf X-rated sites have been blocked a year. The authorities have always argued that most of the efforts to view porn were inadvertent or down to so-called malware.

But now Parliament is claiming that it won’t reveal the information because it “may present a security risk if it were to remain publicly accessible.”  Previous sites have even been deleted from the Parliamentary transparency log. As a security expert says, “How is it a security risk to know that a bunch of (predominantly) middle-aged white guys prefer to browse for porn in the office rather than on their home PCs (where their wives might notice)?”

Looking for something X-rated? Come tell us your dirtiest secrets here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about how Parliament is keeping secret who views porn: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7201287/Attempts-access-porn-Parliaments-computers-kept-SECRET.html

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