While writers are known for their creativity, romance writers in particular are known for their ridiculouscreativity when it comes to describing sex (ahem, Fifty Shades of Grey, anyone?). So blogger John Ferri decided to compile lists of the most absurd, hilarious sexual descriptions he found in his wife’s romance novels. Here are some of the gems:
Romance Novel Epithets for the Cock
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Rigid source of heat
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Engorged flesh
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Iron-hard tumescence
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Love’s sweet arrow
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Plenipotentiary instrument
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Molten member
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Torrid extension
Romance Novel Epithets for the Pussy
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Damp, most needy place
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Fiery furnace
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Most treasured pearl of passion
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Glistening portals of her womanhood
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Molten need
Romance Novel Descriptions of Sex
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Impaling her on his straining shaft
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Plunging hotness penetrated
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Possess the lily
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Embalming injection
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Love’s sweet lava flowed
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Staccato spasms
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Burned to a cinder
Wow. Some of those descriptions sound dangerous! We don’t know about “writhing with burning caresses” but we would definitely be up for some “lightning bolts of fulfillment!”
Check out more hilarious sexual phrases from romance novels here!
@NiteFlirt