Man Complains To Ikea About Getting His Balls Stuck In Their Chair 

best_phone_sex_niteflirt_steelballsNorwegian photographer Claus Jørstad recently took to Ikea’s comments page to complain about his recent purchase. Like many customers, he had some strong opinions about the chair he bought—except his hilarious post was shared tens of thousands of times. It seems Ikea’s Marius chair, which he bought to use as a shower stool after a knee injury, has some ill-conceived holes in it—if you have testes.

In his own words: “Sitting there and noticing the accident, I bent down to see what the f*ck happened, I realized the little nutter has got stuck.” His “nutter,” (or “the skipper and two sailors”) is his nuts, in case that’s not clear, which got stuck in the holes in the chair. The poor bastard panicked a bit, but luckily the cold water kicked on before too long and, because of the natural miracle known as shrinkage, he was freed. Thankfully, he’s come up with a solution to the Ikea chair fiasco: covering the holes with a washcloth. It’s named “weinermonkey.”

Looking for some wet and wild action? We promise no “skipper” or “sailors” will be endangered on our sexy voyage!

Check out more about the man who complained to Ikea after getting his balls stuck in their chair:http://www.dailydot.com/irl/ikea-chair-holes-ball-stuck/

Posted in Insights | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

‘Very Right Wing’ People Are Happiest With Their Sex Lives

LetsTalkSexA new European study found that people who describe themselves as “very right wing” are the most likely to be satisfied with their sex lives. The survey asked more than 19,000 people in the UK, Germany, France, Denmark and Sweden about their politics and their sex lives, and found in most countries sexual satisfaction increased the further right you went along the political spectrum. Not only that, but the five-country poll found that extreme right-wingers are also happiest overall!

“In the UK, people with left wing politics were least likely to describe their sex lives as satisfying (with 66% of people saying they were), versus 73% for those saying they were ‘very right wing,’” reports Buzzfeed. So, right-wingers are having the best sex and they’re happier—time to switch political teams? The head researcher says not so fast: “There are obviously numerous factors that might explain an individual’s sexual happiness and this study does not suggest that changing your political views would make you happier in bed (or on the stairs, on the kitchen floor, in the shower and on the backseat of the car).” The conservatives are always secretly the kinkiest….

Looking for some sexual satisfaction yourself? Whatever your politics, we can guarantee you’ll find what you like at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about the study that shows right wing people are happiest with their sex lives here:https://www.buzzfeed.com/jamesball/green-in-the-streets-ukip-in-the-sheets?utm_term=.xlxyb7R9G5#.blgJBxWLYA

Posted in Insights | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

George From ‘Seinfeld’ Porn Parody Is an Internet Hero 

Is there any beloved ’90s sitcom that doesn’t have a porn parody by now? Well, here’s another to forever taint your TV nostalgia: Seinfeld XXX Parody. It was produced by New Sensations in 2009, starring James Deen as Jerry Seinfeld, and earning 10 nominations at the AVN Awards. But the guy who plays George is currently still enjoying his success from the porno—because he’s worshipped by Seinfeld fanboys!

seinfeld

It seems the Facebook group “Seinfeld Shitposting” (basically a Facebook group for image macros from Seinfeld) can’t get enough “Porn Gorg” jokes. While they like “Porn Jery” and “Porn Elane” okay, it’s Porn Gorg, or Steve Pomerantz as he’s known in real life, who they’re fascinated with. George is the perfect candidate for internet jokes, but as Daily Dot speculates, “maybe it’s just funny to imagine a super-virile George Costanza.” And Steve Pomerantz takes pictures of hot models for a living, so really, he’s like a real life Bizarro George alter ego! So, there you go, George—you can now be king of your own small internet universe!

Want to have a successful experience yourself? We know a thing or two about super-virile alter egos here!

Check our more about George from ‘Seinfeld’ porn parody becoming an internet sensation: http://www.dailydot.com/unclick/actor-seinfeld-porn-gorg/

Posted in Insights | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

This Massager Can Make You Cum Through Your Clothes 

Image Source: Hi on IndieGoGo

Image Source: Hi on IndieGoGo

These days, it’s all about instant gratification—so why should getting off be any different? There’s now a massager promising intense, fast orgasms, without even needing to get naked! Hi Full Body Massager is a magical ergonomic device designed by clinical sexologists to give you “full body relaxation, and multiple orgasms in just minutes, anywhere you want.”

Hi offers a money back guarantee, as well as help with all kinds of physical maladies from stress and PMS to sore muscles and migraines. While it’s probably too large to travel with, a sex toy capable of so many benefits definitely seems worth it. And who knows, maybe it will spark a new clothes-on masturbating craze!

Looking for a quick fix yourself? We deliver intense, fast action right here!

Check out more about the massager that can make you cum through your clothes: http://www.dailydot.com/irl/full-body-massage-orgasm-through-clothes/

Posted in News | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

There’s a Sex Toy That Looks Like the Eggplant Emoji 

imageEveryone’s favorite phallic emoji just went beyond its current use as a hilarious sexual innuendo. Now you can take the beloved cock stand-in out of your sexts and into your bedroom with a new sex toy made in its likeness! That’s right, the Emojibator just went on sale—and it’s not just some cute novelty.

While it may seem like a gimmick intended for laughs, the Emojibator is actually a high-tech vibrator which, according to the product description, promises a “healthy serving of vitamin D.” Some of its features include 10 vibration settings, and a completely watertight “stem.” Made of medical-grade silicone, it’s an exact, real-life replica of the impressive eggplant emoji. Now they just need to create a peach emoji sex toy and we’ll be all set!

Looking to go beyond the eggplant emoji sext yourself? You won’t find any gimmicks in our bedroom!

Check out more about the sex toy that looks like the eggplant emoji here: http://www.refinery29.com/2016/08/121893/emojibator-eggplant-emoji-sex-toy

Posted in Insights | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

These Models Look Like They’re Covered In Cum

Photographer: FirstVIEW via Fashion Unliimited - Hood by Air NYFW

Photographer: FirstVIEW via Fashion Unlimited – Hood by Air NYFW

The most provocative runway show at New York Fashion Week was Hood By Air, which featured models with Hustler and Pornhub logos splayed across their chests (and other body parts)! According to Daily Dot, “They also wore amber goggles that referenced the kind of protective eyewear California porn stars were nearly mandated to wear on set when a 2013 condom bill was proposed in the state senate.” But the raciest thing about the show? The models looked like they were covered in cum!

The Pornhub-branded show created the “cumshot” hair and makeup look with Vaseline, Egyptian Magic, and a special effects product called Ultra Ice that mimics the look of frozen water on skin. And if the post-Bukkake glaze wasn’t X-rated enough, the show also featured performance artist and musician No Bra among its model lineup, who’s famous for performing topless and having sexy LGBT people make out in her videos. Who knew cum was the new “It” thing for fall?!

Want to get into something a bit provocative yourself? We’ve got a racy show for you right here!

Check out more about the runway show with models who looked like they were dripping in cum: http://www.dailydot.com/irl/hood-by-air-pornhub-bukkake-makeup/

Posted in News | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

8 Innocent Photos That Are Actually Totally Filthy 

Sometimes when you see seemingly “innocent” looking things, you wonder if they’re actually innocent or if it’s just your dirty mind. You know, like with that supposedly PG-13 bumper sticker that reads “BJ Mom.” Well, we’ve got good news for you: while you may have a dirty mind, those so-called innocent things are actually totally filthy. Here are 8 photos that prove it (check them out below).

  • Shadow Dicks
    In this picture, the shadows from the bridge appear to be in the shape of a dick. Architecture is so cool!
Image Source: CanYouActually.com

Image Source: CanYouActually.com

  • Vagina rock
    Yeah, we’d be willing to bet everybody has seen at least one pussy in a rock formation. Mother nature, represent!
Image Source: CcanYouActually.com

Image Source: CcanYouActually.com

  • Elmo Experiments
    We know what this seemingly innocent children’s book is really about…
Image Source: Radass

Image Source: Radass

  • Insert fingers and tear along perforations”
    We’ve all seen this on a box—and we’ve all thought the same dirty thing!
Image Source: Men's Den

Image Source: Men’s Den

  • P_ _ I S
    Oh, Wheel of Fortune. We definitely do know the answer to “Where To Find Love.”
Image Source: Men's Den

Image Source: Men’s Den

  • In the Pink: Latex Gloves
    Found right in your local grocery store…filthy!
Image Source: Radass

Image Source: Radass

  1. BJ Mom”
    MILF and proud!
Image Source: Distractify

Image Source: Distractify

  • It’s amazing what you can do with two fingers and a thumb.”
    It certainly is.
Image Source: Distractify

Image Source: Distractify

Want to put that dirty mind to good use? There’s nothing ambiguous about the filthy stuff you’ll find here!

Check out more innocent photos that are actually filthy here: http://distractify.com/humor/2016/08/20/35-innocent-photos-somehow-completely-filthy

Posted in Off Topic | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pamela Anderson’s Hypocritical Anti-Porn Stance

If you had to guess the most unlikely person to jump on the anti-porn bandwagon, Pamela Anderson would probably come to mind. Everyone knows the blonde bombshell has profited off her “leaked” sex tape, not to mention has made a career over sexualizing herself. So it comes as a bit of a shock to hear her publicly condemn pornography in a recent Wall Street Journal op-ed, co-authored with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.

set1147014

In the op-ed, they claim the Anthony Weiner (Weinergate) scandal is the result of the “public hazard” known as porn addiction. Aside from the fact that porn has literally nothing to do with Weiner’s seemingly compulsive need to send dick pictures to women on the internet, this type of old-world moralizing basically just puppets the same tired rhetoric that conservative, religious politicians use. And this coming from a woman who capitalized on her sex symbol status for years, starting off as a Playboy bunny, and starring in soft core porn flicks like Barb Wire. If Pamela Anderson really believes “porn is for losers,” she might want to rethink her entire career that has been built almost entirely on getting people off.

Want to have a shame-free, erotic experience? Ain’t no shame in our game!

Check out more about Pamela Anderson’s hypocritical anti-porn stance here: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/09/03/porn-industry-shocked-by-pamela-anderson-s-hypocritical-anti-porn-crusade.html

Posted in Insights | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

11 Sexual Fortune Cookies 

Sometimes you get a little more than you bargained for with your fortune cookie—in terms of the sexual innuendos! Does the cookie mean what you think it means when it says “Things are looking up”? Here are 11 sexual fortune cookies that foretell a very promising future—in the bedroom!

  1. Special touches have been planned with you in mind.”
    Delicious Chinese food and a “special” little something something for dessert? Yes please!
  2. Before you receive, you must give.”
    Excellent advice!
  3. Bend the rod while it’s still hot.”
    That could get dangerous, fortune cookie!
  4. Don’t stop now!”
    The fortune cookie is close!
  5. Constant grinding can turn an iron rod into a needle.”
    Hm. It’s usually the opposite, in our experience…
  6. Your smile is a curve that can get a lot of things straight.”
    Aw, you’re so sweet—and naughty—fortune cookie!
  7. You are talented with your hands.”
    Thanks, we get that all the time!
  8. You will soon get unexpected kisses in unexpected places.”
    Oooh, promise?!
  9. Be prepared to receive something special with no strings attached.”
    Best fortune ever!
  10. Your tongue is your ambassador.”
    So we’ve been told…
  11. Others admire your flexibility.”
    Yes. Yes they do.

fortune

Looking for something sweet for dessert? We’ve got some tasty treats to make your future a happy one right here!

Check out more sexual fortune cookies here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/lindsayfarber/sexual-fortune-cookies-that-deserve-a-fucking-medal?utm_term=.epNzQbeoNY#.wyjVgZyxNG

Posted in Insights | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

‘Eat It’: the Art Show Dedicated To Eating Pussy

naked beautiful bodyThe sex-positive, feminist art show, “Eat It,” is using the words of cunnilingus enthusiast Lil Wayne as inspiration: “I got a sweet tooth. Now can I eat you?” The show, curated by comedian and writer Alison Stevenson and filmmaker and artist Elizabeth Vazquez, is all about the joys of eating pussy. The women are hoping to normalize and celebrate the act of going down because, as they say, “It’s an act that’s not as celebrated as other sex acts.”

“Eat It” showcases the art of some amazing feminist artists, including Frances Canon, Fahren Feingold, and Priyanka Paul, to show just how beautiful cunnilingus can be. And the show does not shy away from body parts and details: “The philosophy was basically, the more graphic the better,” Stevenson said. Even if you can’t make the exhibition, they want you to take their muff-diving philosophy to heart: “Ask! Communicate! Communication is a really important part of sex. People shy away from it, they think it ruins the moment, but it will actually make the moment a lot better.” And we can all draw inspiration from Lil Wayne, who says in his song, “Pussy Monster”: “It’s like I gotta eat it just to stay alive.”

Looking for something tasty and sweet? We’ve got just the thing for your sugar craving!

Check out more about “Eat It” here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/eat-it-cunnilingus-feminist-art-show_us_57b74f0ce4b03d51368850bd

Posted in Insights | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment