Distractify recently put together a list of the unavoidably unsexy things that happen during sex that will make you cringe with embarrassment and laugh with recognition. Let’s face it, sex for the first time with someone can definitely bring some awkwardness, and this list is a hilarious reminder of all those simply unavoidable moments. Here are the 8 unsexy things that happen the first time you fuck someone (check out the full list below):
- Your bodies will make several sounds when they slap and detach, slap and detach
Distractify describes this phenomenon as “the sound of a wet suction cup being peeled from the side of a bathtub.” - You’ll direct your partner to what feels good like an air traffic controller
Wave an arm; use a code; try to decipher what the other person wants while trying to stick a perfect landing. - Yes, you will smell and probably have your face in their armpit
And possibly, if you’re into that, you will lick their armpit. - You will get hair in your mouth
At some point you will need to pause to get hair, pubic or otherwise, out of your mouth. - The condom ask and search party
Someone will ask, the other will search…and sometimes search and search and search for a condom: “sort of like a business deal and a scavenger hunt.” - There’ll be awkwardness putting the condom on
You try to do this as smoothly as possible, but it will inevitably be awkward. - Yes, air will get pushed inside places and noises will be made in response
Aw, yes. The unavoidable queef. It happens. - You are going to get sweaty
Distractify: “Not in a glisten-y way, but in an ‘oh my god, I didn’t know I could sweat there’ animal way.”
These are funny cause they’re true. In the mood to have some real experiences yourself? We don’t mind getting sweaty here!
Check out Distractify’s list.
@NiteFlirt