Everyone who enjoys fanfiction knows about the time-honored and cringey tropes. It’s possible to be a fan and still laugh at the ridiculous sex scenes. Here are the worst offenders.
- No one ever needs lube
Who needs lube when you can use spit, lotion that’s conveniently on the bedside table right when it’s time to get down, or even precum. As one fanfic reader says, “fic authors get hella creative. Like, pizza-grease-up-your-butt creative.” - No condoms
People always forget to use condoms because they’re too turned on to think straight. But no worries—in the magical world of fanfiction, there are never any consequences! - Tongues “battling for dominance”
Nuff said. - There is no normal everyday sex. Everyone is always either ravaging someone or tenderly making love.
There is something to be said for “normal” sex. - There is no bad sex
While fanfiction is definitely about escaping reality, sex is sometimes bad and awkward. - Virgins always transform from demure innocents to total sex gods IMMEDIATELY.
“Because are you really a worthy protagonist if you don’t have an immediate natural knack for boning?” Asked a reader. - A lot of the time, the sex positions described are PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.
“Are y’all fucking or playing X-rated Twister?” - Vaginas basically ~gush~ when they get wet — and squirting is no big thang.
Well, that does make sex scenes that much more exciting!
Looking for an out-of-this-world sexual experience? Come get hella creative right on NiteFlirt!
Check out more ridiculous things that happen in fanfic sex scenes: https://www.buzzfeed.com/
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