Choking the chicken; spanking the monkey; stroking the python—you’ve probably heard these common and well-loved euphemisms for jerking off many many times. But how many others do you know? BuzzFeed recently put that question to the test with one of their signature (and hilarious) quizzes. Here are 15 highlights of some familiar, some just bizarre euphemisms for male self-love (check out the full quiz below):
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Five Finger Shuffle
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Making the Bald Man Cry
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Shaking Hands With Dr. Winky
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Beating Your Meat
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Battling the Purple-Headed Yogurt Slinger
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Riding the Mayonnaise Surf
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Tugging the Slug
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Waxing Your Carrot
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Auditioning Your Hand Puppet
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Burping the Worm
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Badgering the Witness
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Beef Stokenoff
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Jerkin’ the Gherkin
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Strangling the Cyclops
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Practicing Politics—(we saved the most baffling for last)
Wow. There sure are a lot of creative euphemisms for Buffing the Vampire Slayer. Feel like taking a break from Shuffling Your Ipod? We can help you to Make Pearl Jam right here!
Check out the BuzzFeed quiz here!
@NiteFlirt